Friends

Everything happens for a reason.  People come into our lives, and sometimes they go as well.  But its all for a reason.  God always, ALWAYS has a plan.  He knows who we will meet, when we will meet them.  He knows who will walk away from us, and when they will walk away.  He knows the excitement of a new friendship and the heartache of a broken friendship.  He knows--He's there with us through each and every step of life. 
I've got a friend just like this.  I was thinking just a few days ago how amazing and neat it is to see God work timing throughout our lives.  
I met this incredibly sweet and funny woman, through Facebook--Imagine that! (Ha! Isn't that where everyone meets these days?") 
No, seriously-- I met her through Facebook, after I found her husband on there.  I've known him since we were in Kindergarten.  One of those that I've not seen since we graduated high school(Class of '91).  Each time I find someone I went to school with, I'll check out their pics and see what all they've been up to over the last few years.  I was deeply touched by his pictures.  I would also see pictures on his feed that his wife had posted and tagged him in.  And my heart just broke and it ached for them. As I sit here, 11:30 at night, while everyoen else is asleep-including the cat who is laying on the table next to me, and its so hard to keep the tears from coming.  I don't know exactly what they dealt with, but I have a little bit of an inkling.
 I knew him, but it had been YEARS since I'd seen him.  I had no clue who she was, but still, my heart just hurt for them.  I sent her a friend request, she accepted, and over the last couple of years now, I've watched her, followed her, got lots of giggles out of funny posts, watched her kids grow, through pics, and said a lot of prayers as I've seen her posts asking for prayers.    This mom is one of the strongest women I have come to know.  And I am SO thankful for her.  God always knows what we need, just when we need it.  Not too many weeks ago, she sent me a message via FB and said she'd been praying for me.  Unbeknownst to her, I was having a really rough day.  She had NO clue what I was dealing with.  But she felt the need to pray for me, and thats just what she did.  She messaged me and said "Hi, just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and praying for you!"
My God never ceases to amaze me, that He puts the right people in our paths and in our lives at just the right time.  It may be for a season, or for a life time, but He DOES bring people into our lives.   She's given me lots of encouragement just in the last week.  You may not already know, but by the time you read this, you will--know how thankful I am that God brought you and your friendship into my life!   
Ecclesiastes 4:9-11 ⁹ Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: ¹⁰ If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Psalm 145:18

The Lord is near all who call out to Him, all who call out to Him with integrity. Psalm 145:18

I just read a devotion titled "What I Couldn't See.  Psalm 145:18 is the verse that was just under the title.  I began to read the story that went along with it and felt like I was reading my own words, in a sense. 
Have you ever had something that you were praying about, and had been praying about it so long that you often wondered, "God are you really there?  Are you really listening?" 
I have.  I have a few prayers that I have found myself asking, "God are you listening?  I need answers, I need intervention from you!!"  Its almost as if I was shouting and could hear it even though I knew I was just sitting there thinking it. 

Here's the thing though....Yes, God is listening, and yes, he hears us.  We don't have to scream or shout for Him to hear us.  He hears us whether we speak a word or not. He KNOWS before we even speak, what we are feeling and thinking. 

Timing.  God answers our prayers in His time, not ours.  I have something I've been praying about for someone for YEARS.  And I still find myself struggling with wanting to ask, "God aren't you listening to me?  Don't you HEAR me?  Can't you see that I have this request that I've been talking to you about for so long?"
And essentially, the answer is YES--He knows.  He hears me.  And for whatever reason, apparently, its just not time yet. 

I have prayed  for my son as well, as far as his attitude about many things.  I know, he's almost 15--he's a typical teenage boy.  He was diagnosed at age 2 with diabetes.  Wouldn't you have an attitude if you were him?  I know he gets frustrated and just sick and tired of dealing with the diabetes.  But there's nothing more he/we can do with it, than we already do.  Its a life long illness and this side of heaven, there is no cure. 
Therefore, he's gotta realize that God is his co-pilot in this life.  This world is not our home, thank God! 
I've prayed and prayed and prayed..and will always pray, that my son will seek the Lord in life's journey--with or without diabetes. 

I've asked for prayer for him in Sunday School; from friends; from other relatives.  And I can see it.  I can see little changes here and there.  And I can see Satan at work hard in those times as well.  Things can be going smooth and great and then BOOM------MAJOR increase in attitude.  And just like everything else, its my prayers that help get me through. 
Because even when I don't always see everything clearly, or when I don't think God is listening, that the reality is--He's always there and He's always listening.  He's always near me. 

Why Worry?

I received this in my inbox yesterday.  One of several daily devotions that I am signed up to get.  
I can relate.  I often find myself worrying and wondering about this.  The Bible clearly tells us not to worry:  “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”(Philippians 4:6-7, NLT)
However, as I said, I find myself worrying and wondering about lots of things.  After all, Im only human.  But in the midst of that worrying and wondering, I am also reminded of Phillipians 4.  Our heavenly Father doesnt want us to worry.  He wants us to put our trust in Him.  Not just in one or two things, but EVERYTHING.  This is something that I have trouble with.  I get anxious and antsy and have anxiety attacks.  And let me tell you when you feel like 'climbing the walls' as I put it...its just NOT fun.  When it feels like your heart is going to beat out of your chest, or when you start getting a horrible horrible migraine because you are so stressed and anxious..its just not fun.  I have to stop, and go lay down and just pray.  And I will ask the Lord to take away my anxiety and my fears and help me to remember that there is no reason for anxiety.  All I have to do is to TRUST HIM.  
Here is the devotion I want to share:

“She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’” Luke 10:40b (NIV)

When life gets overwhelming, do you ever wonder if God notices everything you have going on — like how you’re trying so hard to take care of everyone and everything? Staying up late to pay the bills, and feeling stretched between relationships at home and in ministry while caring for aging parents, commuting to work and carpooling kids?

Several years ago, I couldn’t keep up with all of the commitments I’d made. I felt like I was suffocating under everything I needed to do. Slowly, I let worry weave it’s way into my thoughts, making me wonder how I was going to do it all. I knew I should trust God more, but I was concerned that if I stopped worrying about everything and everybody He would too.

Eventually, I came to a point where I was exhausted and ready to resign from just about everything. I ran out of fuel. I didn’t have enough energy to handle all of my roles, relationships and responsibilities.

I also ran out of faith. I started doubting my ability to manage my life, to hear God clearly and to do all I assumed He wanted me to do.

And all those worries that made me weary, also made me wonder. I wondered why God wasn’t doing something to make life easier. I wondered if God noticed and cared about all I was doing for Him, and others.

One day I was reading my Bible and noticed how Martha’s worries were making her weary, and making her wonder if Jesus cared that her sister left her in the kitchen to do all that work, all by herself.

And listen to how He responded: “‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’” (NIV)

So, how do we choose what is better? How do we let go of our worries and take hold of confident peace that assures us God notices and God cares?

First Peter 5:7 tells us: “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” (NLT)

The apostle Paul tells us the same and he tells us how: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”(Philippians 4:6-7, NLT)

It sounds so doable, but why is it so hard? I think it’s because Satan whispers the opposite. He tells us, “Don’t be calm about anything; instead worry about everything. Tell God what He should do. Then take control if He doesn’t listen. And concerns that consume you will become like acid in your heart, eroding your confidence with worry and doubt!”

Instead of giving into the whispers of worry, spoken by the enemy, let’s listen to God’s promise for peace. When we feel overwhelmed by life this week, let’s commit to …

• Stop worrying — Press the pause button on our consuming concerns.

• Start praying — Talk to God about all we’re doing. Ask if there’s anything we need to cut back so we can seek Him as much as we serve Him, and others.

• Keep thanking God — Thank God for what He’s done in the past and will do in the future. This helps us remember how good He is at being God.

Lord, when my concerns consume me, help me remember that You are with me, holding me by the hand and guiding me. I want to seek You as much as I serve You and others. Help me balance my life and give my worries to You, knowing with confidence that You care about me and are good at taking care of me! In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Colton's Journey

I have wanted to make a video or slide show of Colton for a LONG time.  You have to remember, Im not real computer savvy--and what I can do on one, I've learned how to do just by fiddling around with my laptop.  
So I finally sat down put together some pics, took some tunes off of my iTunes and edited the pics with captions.  I had actually sat and typed up all of the 'facts' that are in the video and saved them to the computer.  But when I went to upload those files, each time I tried to insert one, it was blank.  SO, I decided to just write it out by hand...kinda makes it a bit more personal that way anyhow.  
And so, I sat all day yesterday working on this project.  This evening I have been trying to edit it some and re-do some of the fonts that I used.
Thought I'd share it here on my blog.   Each and every song has a significant reason for being used.  The first one, came out and we were in awe of the words, considering what we had just learned about his health.  The second one, I chose for Colton's life verse, the first time I ever heard it.  And the last one, is because my Lord and Savior is always there with me and my family caring us through the ups and downs of this journey that we all travel each and every day.  You may want to pause the music player on the blog while the video is playing.

Whats a Mom To Do?

What's a mom to do? Ever thought about that question?  I mean, REALLY thought about it?

What I am to do as a MOM is to take care of my kids.  The Lord has entrusted these little bodies to me to take care of.  I do not own them.  They are on loan from the Lord to me, to take care of, until He calls them home.  They belong to HIM.  They were His before they were mine.  They were His before I ever even knew that I wanted them.  

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. Psalm 139:13

WOW!!  Now talk about amazing!!!!!!!  He KNEW long before I longed for my babies, just when He would give them to me.  He knew what they would look like.  He knew how many babies I would have.  He knew everything about them.  And he chose ME as their mom.

Ever thought about just how amazing that is?  He created these beings, and he hand picked me to take care of them.  He knew long before I ever thought about having my first baby, that he would be special.  He knew that I would have a special job being a mom to a kid with diabetes.  He knew it would be tough.  He knew that there were going to be days that were HARD to get through.  He knew that I would have struggles and trials and battles.  But, He KNEW I could handle it.  He KNOWS I can handle it.  He KNOWS because He IS MY GOD!!  

I had a few days this week that were really rough.  Some of those days that I felt like I am the worst mom in the world.  I mean, why not feel that way?  After all, what mom goes through each and every day telling their child to check this and check that; or, "did you do what you were suppose to??" , or, my favorite, "Did you eat??"  Yes, I have had to ask that.  Its not a DUH question--well, wait..maybe it is?  Idk..but...still...there are some questions that are just 'normal every day questions.'  

Throughout MY days, 'normal every day questions' consist of: "Did you check your blood?", "Did you figure your carbs?", "Did you bolus for your food?????"...

THAT is MY normal day.  I'm tired of explaining that.  I'm tired of expecting people to understand, b/c no matter how many times I say it, ppl are NOT going to understand.  However, they could try to make an effort to understand.  I actually have some awesome people in my life who DO understand.  They understand what its like as a mom to see their child go through each and every day having to be reminded to do certain things.  Certain things that if they don't get done, their can and will be serious consequences.  

So, that all being said...I am the mother of a child with diabetes.  I have played that role for 10 years now.  I will do EVERYTHING in my power as his mom, to take care of him.  If that means asking him repeatedly the questions that I mentioned above, so be it.  If that means hovering over him, so be it.  I'm not going to sit around and let him blow off doing things that must be done to take care of himself.  I will NOT.  I refuse to let him sit back, ignore the things he knows he must do to get through every single day.  

I was beating myself up 3 days ago and telling myself that I am a bad mom, and that I must be the worst mom their is. But, here's the thing..if I am such a bad mom, then how is it that my son has made it through the last TEN years?  How is it that my son has NEVER had to be in the hospital--not even ONE time, since his diabetes dx's??  He's been sick a few times, but that has been minimal.  Its because I have chose to educate myself as much as I can--with the help of that amazing information super highway--the internet! 

I reminded myself of these things.  And I was informed by my husband, my two closest friends and my daddy that I am NOT a bad mom!  Sometimes ya just need to hear it!!

Thank you to those people--I really needed to hear those words!

Father God,

Thank you for allowing me the chance to be a mom.  And thank you for entrusting 

Colton to me.  While I know that I have days that are miserable and I scream and cry out to you, Why me?  Why my son?  Please help me to remember that its not up to me to ask Why?  What is up to me, is to take care of him while he is here on this earth.  Its up to me to make sure he does all the tasks he must do to get through each day.  Thank you for giving me the sources to educate myself as well as others that may come in contact with him.  Thank you for the other moms who have kids with diabetes, that you've placed directly into my life, or that you have allowed me to cross paths with--to encourage them along the road that they have ahead of them.  Thank you for giving me the strength to get up and tackle this each and every day.  Lord I ask that you would just speak to Colton and just break his heart.  I know that he is angry and depressed about his health.  He hates it and I see that hatred in his eyes.  He needs to let you into his heart, and as well as to learn to completely trust in you.  I know that once He allows you into his heart that his attitude about many things will change.  He's got to see that he needs you.   Thank you for the hedge of protection that you've placed around him so far--Kyle and I are so very thankful that he's not ever had to be hospitalized for any reason since learning of the diabetes.

Thank you for allowing us to be his parents.  In Jesus Name, Amen!

Compassion.......

In the light of some things that have happened in the last few weeks, my heart is just so heavy for so many. Ive learned of different things that diferent people are going through and dealing with and my heart just aches for them. And that being said, its not said lightly. My heart litterally ACHES for them. They have lost friends, family members, aquaintances, co-workers. Knowing that so many are hurting emotionally breaks my heart.


Why do I feel this way? Why is it that knowing someone has passed away affect me the way it does? Why does it matter? And especially when its someone that I have never met? I'll tell you why...its called COMPASSION.

Have you ever stopped and looked up the definition of compassion is?

Here it is: compassion: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is

stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

My mother called me a few weeks ago, to let me know that a dear church member was in the hospital and she was very ill. It happened suddenly, so it was a bit of a shock. It was one of those "Oh my!!" responces when she told me. My heart just sank. This woman was one of my Sunday School teachers. I was taken back to memories of all of us girls sitting around our room and her teaching the lesson. She was such a Godly woman. She was one of the ladies at church who were SOO SUPER excited when they learned I was finally pregnant again. And when we found out we were having a girl--she was ecstatic!

There is one day in particular that I saw her in WalMart. She stopped to chat, and check out Tobi sitting in her car seat. She asked how my mom was doing. She looked at me and said, "I just love your mamma! She is one of the most spiritual people I know. I really look up to her." Later when I talked to my mom, I couldnt hardly tell her because it choked me up. And when I did manage to get it out, then it choked my mom up.

Since her passing, I have learned of several other people who have passed away. And again, my heart is heavy. I have heard of about 5 other people who have passed away in the last 2 weeks or so. Two of them hit me really hard. I don't 'know' either of them. But hearing of their deaths hit me hard just the same as it would, had I known them.

Anytime I hear of a death, as I said, it breaks my heart. I KNOW that this life that we live in, is not forever. There is a beginning and an end to every life. Thats the way our Heavenly Father created the world. Without HIM, there would be nothing. There would be no sun, moon, stars, mountains, trees, oceans, or people.

My best friend and her family were greatly affected by a sudden loss of a close friend of their family. It was a complete shock to everyone when they heard what had happened.

When she was telling me about it, I just shook my head. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. And one of my first thoughts was WHY? This kid had everything going for him. And he was fresh out of college, planning on marrying and starting a family. Why, why, why, why, WHY?

I was with my friend when she broke the news to her son. And it broke my heart even more as I sat and listened to her telling him the news. I felt so awkward being there for something so 'personal' but at the same time, I could clearly hear the Holy Spirit telling me, "Its Ok! She needs you here right now!" I couldn't say anything. I didnt know WHAT to say. So I just sat, and I listened and I prayed silently as I sat.

When I finally left and headed to my parents house to pick up my kids, my mind was going at what seemed, a hundred miles an hour. I just kept hearing all the details of this horrible trajedy over and over in my head. And this kids family, oh my gosh, my heart just ached for them. And the whole time Im thinking about all of this, I am thinking about how I would feel if it were me and my family? What if it was close friends of ours? Close friends that may as well be family. We have a few friends that are just that close.

By the time I got to my folks house, I was having a very hard time holding myself together. I walked in the house, very quiet. I didnt say a whole lot to anyone. I'd been there about 5 minutes when I finally managed to start telling them what had happened. And I could NOT hold it together. I lost it. I was so overcome with emotion for this family and for my friends, that I just cried.

Then my mind started to wonder back a few weeks and all the emotions I felt when I learned of another death just made my heart ache even more. It was a little more, what I would call, 'closer to home' for me. Why is that? Because the disease that I hate and loathe with every breath that I take, had taken another life. And this young life was only 13. Just one year older than my son. Just one year older than my son, who also has this same disease. Learning about this young man's passing hit me like a ton of bricks. I wanted to grab the phone and call this kid's mother. But I had no clue who she was. I wanted to be able to just embrace her with the tightest hug I could give her. But again, I didn't know her.

I managed to find her, thanks to Face Book. Ah...the age of social networking. What did we do before Facebook, Myspace, or Twitter? I sent this mom a friend request and she accepted. She didnt have to. In fact, Im sure she thought, "Who are you and what do you want?" But, she did accept and I was glad she did. I have read her fb updates daily since that day. I sent her a few emails and gave her my condolances. Two or three days passed and I sent her another email. I contemplated it for a while and I finally just gave in and asked her the question that weighed so heavy on my mind. Why? And what happened?

I'd already read his obituary online. THAT in itself made me just ache all over. And when I read the words, 'complications of type 1 diabetes' it just made that ache even more intense. All that ran through my head was again, WHY? Was he sick? Was it sudden? Was it DKA? And again, I wanted to just pick up the phone and talk with her, or reach through my computer and just hug her as tight as I could.

I finally gave in and I emailed her and just point blank said, "I have to ask; I have to know, what happened?" After I got finished typing the email, I sat for several minutes before I hit the submit button. I thought to myself, "Is she going to respond? Is it going to make her angry that I've asked this question?! Is she going to respond, and if she responds, is she going to go off and tell me its none of her business? She didn't have to respond at all.

But she did. And I am thankful that she did.

I wasnt looking for an answer to try to convince myself that its never going to happen to my son. I contacted her because while I do not know exactly how she feels, I have the deepest sympathy for her and her family. And I have that sympathy because I myself could be affected by the same situation. I have that sympathy because I have read countless stories of people who have kids with the same disease that entered my families lives ten short years ago. I say short, but its actually been ten long years. At times it seems like it was just a few months ago. At times, it seems like forever ago.

All of these different situations make a person stop and think. Or at least it should make a person stop and think. Life is a gift from God. And its too short to take people for granted. No one knows from one day to the next what will happen. No one knows that but the Lord himself. One thing for sure is, you better know exactly where your going when your time comes. Don't sit around and just "think" about where your going. Make sure you KNOW where your going.

The one thing that I KNOW is this: That even in the midst of all the trials and storms that I go through, that my Saviour is right there with me. And there are days that are HARD to get through, for various reasons. And when I hear of a passing of a loved one, no matter who it is, that one day, they will be seen again.

My heart ACHES every single day for my grandmothers. One has been gone since October of 1993. To this day, I when I've got news or something exciting that I want to share with someone, my thoughts always go to her. Or, when one of my kids does something so incredibly hilarious that I know she would have cracked up at, I just smile because I can see her face.

My other grandmother passed away in 2006. Tobi was just 8 months old.

THAT hurts my heart terribly. Tobi was her last great grandbaby. To this day, I remember when I found out I was pregnant with Tobi. Granny had battled Alzheimers for a while already. We were at her house one day, and she was talking about getting rid of this and that. She proceeded to tell me, "Im just not going to be around much longer, and Im ready to go home." I tried to compose myself but I could not. When I managed to do just that, I just looked at her and said, "Granny, you can't go anytime soon." She proceeded to tell me that she wasnt going to be around forever. And I said, "I know it, but you can't leave us just yet!" Then she asked why? And I told her, "Because Im gonna have another baby, and you have to stick around to meet him/her!!" She was thrilled!

We were blessed to have her around for 8 more months, after Tobi was born. I couldn't wait for Granny to meet her. I can still see the look on her face when she saw Tobi for the first time. Her eyes lit up and she said, "OH! Look at her~Its Lesley!" She thought Tobi was me. One of my favorite pics in Tobi's baby book is of Granny holding Tobi. She has the biggest smile on her face.

To this day I can't talk about Granny, or her being gone, without choking up. Im sitting here bawling like a baby right now. I can't sit and talk about any of our family members who have already passed on. I can't talk about a lot of things, without crying. I can't sit and listen to the radio without bursting into tears when I hear certain songs. I can't listen to other people talk about different stories, without getting all teary eyed.

Why is that? Because that's how God created me. He created me with a compassionate heart. And for that, I will Praise Him daily for the gift of compassion.